How to Be a Geezer: Part Two

Column by Mary Stobie
Posted 7/3/18

Last month I wrote a column about how to be a geezer. Within hours hordes of geezers galloped out of the woodwork. They reacted to my column. They contacted me. We had a gathering online. We had joke …

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How to Be a Geezer: Part Two

Posted

Last month I wrote a column about how to be a geezer. Within hours hordes of geezers galloped out of the woodwork. They reacted to my column. They contacted me. We had a gathering online. We had joke fests and laughs about geezer-hood.

I looked up geezers in Mary Stobie’s New World Dictionary. Definition: (noun) “Geezers are an older person with an attitude. A geezer can be a man or a woman if he or she is older than dirt, playful, outspoken and ornery.”

My advice to geezers is to admit we have foibles. Let’s not hide our foibles, but rather celebrate them. Let’s ramp our foibles up.

If you’re a cautious person, and you want to have more fun — join the geezer club. Here’s how to do it.

  1. Don’t try to make everyone think you have a decent memory. Pretend like you don’t remember anything. Call your grandkids by each other’s names. They’ll laugh and scream.
    To your adult kids ask if cauliflower is broccoli.
  2. To get hired at a fast food restaurant to run the cash register, lie about your age. If you’re eighty-years-old say you’re sixty-years-old.
    If the employer calls you on your fib, say, “I forgot when I was born.”
  3. Your favorite newspaper comic is Brian Crane’s Pickles. The main characters in Pickles are the geezers Earl and Opal, a retired couple. You know for sure, and tell your friends “The cartoonist for Pickles has hidden a video camera in our house. He draws cartoons about the silly things we do and say.”
  4. Instead of hiring a tree trimmer, you rent a giraffe.
  5. To get into mischief, tap someone with your cane. If they complain say, “I have a visual disorder.”
  6. At the Cowboy Diner, have fun with the waitress. You say, “I’d like a rattlesnake sandwich with gopher yogurt.”
  7. As you are leaving the restaurant, say to the people waiting in line, “Sorry folks, we ate all the food.”
  8. If your plumber wears his pants low say, “I’ll bet you’ve never been the butt of a joke.”
  9. Make muddling along a square dance. “Muddle to the right, muddle to the left, muddle to the front, muddle to the back. Swing your partner, do-si-do. Muddle, muddle!”
  10. Walk out in the street and announce in a loud voice, ”I am in control!”

Okay, now you have claimed the identity of a geezer. Doesn’t it feel good to stop being embarrassed about your age? To have more fun with aging. Life is short. Life is a gift. Every moment is precious and a chance to show everyone that you are a geezer.

Mary Stobie might be a geezer, because it takes one to know one. She is an author and a syndicated columnist. Stobie welcomes your comments and observations of geezers at mry_jeanne@yahoo.com.

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